He was a small man and maybe that was the problem right from the start.
Small weak eyes, small weak laugh, small weak spirit.
But i didnt know that in the beginning.
In the beginning i was the one who was very small. At 12, hell at 14 my being was contained in a childs body. No lips no curves no boobs. Just a scrawny kid who longed to feel special and thats just what he did. In the beginning.
In the beginning he was someone i trusted, someone i loved, someone i could aways count on.
Looking back now, i remember telling people he was more of a father to me than my own. The skidoo rides, the motorcycle rides, the boat rides. Learning to drive all these including the big camper truck. Chevy motor on a dodge truck i would hear him brag. If you ever get locked out of your vehicle this is how you get in.
If you lost your keys these wires will start her up.
If you ever need someone, call me, I'll be there.
And indeed he was, in the beginning.
But the following years became a big blur with months and days and moments melting all together with the stroking, the touching, the kissing. Muddying my life in the huge pit i was drowning in for a long time.
Long after war time guns have stopped shooting and bombs are craddled quietly in their casings and men and women lay sleeping dreamlessly in their own beds,  battles continue to rage in the hearts of those left in the carnage and waste lands that only war brings.
And here i am having never felt the ripping sting of bullets or the deafening explosions of bombs,  in my wounded heart the ravages of this war left me paralyzed for a long time afterwards.
And now what can I say, but only because of Gace my story doesnt end there.  I have  come to know is there is a God. And this God has always been there from the very beginning.  Bringing me hope and healing and in my darkest places I hear him whispering thro my screams, I am with you, I will never leave you, you are precious and loved.
And even when any human touch would feel like vultures clawing at my innocence,  His presence was a blanket, covering me and giving me space to heal.
He who is all things all the time has given me a new beginning.